Coffee Break

Smells Like Freshly Ground Heaven

Welcome


This blog talks about everything and anything under the sun.


From music, to love, to life - kinda like the stuff people talk about, over a cup of coffee.


Batangas Brew

Popularly known as Kapeng Barako, and originates from the province of Batangas, in the Philippines.

Barako is a Filipino term for an animal male stud that has become associated with the image of a strong man.

The coffee is so-called because of its imposing and distinct pungent aroma.

Christmas+Kids=Love

Many Christmases ago, my little brother refused to go to bed on Christmas Eve even after being told that it was time for him to sleep.

"I wanna wait for Santa Claus," he said.

"But he does not want to be seen," I reasoned with the 5-year old, wide-eyed kid.

"But, why?"

"Because that's the rule."

Our family always prepares for a festive Christmas Eve, and that year was no exception. My father, a genius in the kitchen, whipped up dish after dish of typical BatangueƱo food. Kaldereta, Apritada, Pochero, Morcon etc. But the Noche Buena wasn't the highlight of evening. It was the youngest of the brood who stole the limelight. He had learned several Christmas songs and was singing them gleefully to us. Each time he got stumped... which happened at the beginning of several stanzas, we'd butt in and supply a line or two. Santa Claus is Coming to Town and Rudolf the Red Nose Reindeer were the best. The adults sang along the lines of the ever popular "you better watch out, you better not pout" and the recital of reindeer names in the lovely ode to Rudolf. Indeed, with the youthful enthusiasm and anticipation by the little boy with the infectious laugh, the teens and the adults were somehow reintroduced to the magic of Santa Claus and the childlike excitement of the holiday season.

And so every Christmas Eve, while our mother tries desperately to send kid brother to bed, Santa aka our father arranges the gifts and carefully counterchecks the "list" tucked in the branches of the Christmas tree. At midnight we’d all gather at the dining table, but not before we check under the Christmas tree for gifts with our names and our Christmas socks for goodies and money.

That year, my brother had made his Christmas list by himself for the first time. He didn't want us to read it. And our mother sternly warned my sister and me to not, under any circumstances, sneak behind and take a peek at our little brother's precious list. But of course we looked, the minute we got a chance. And the joke was on us, because the list was an enumeration of stuff he wanted which we already knew about. Toy trucks (he even wrote the brand), video tapes, computer games, hot wheels, etc. The surprising part, other than that he didn't misspell anything, was that the list was relatively short. Our brother, even back then, was already showing the trait that he would display unto adulthood, he's not materialistic. And that's the irony considering how "materials", "stuff", "gifts" take over people’s lives during Christmas season.

There's something stressful and comforting about Christmas rituals. Stressful because there's a certain expectation to do things that people are supposed to do during this time of year, like decorating, the mad-rush to the stores to shop for the relatives and the godchildren, deciding to attend or not to attend parties, or to accept which particular invitation.

But ah... they are also comforting. There's the familiarity, the soothing feeling of being around family while doing some things that have become an annual practice. There’s the general happy disposition of people everywhere.

They say that as people grow up, it takes away some of the fun out of Christmas, because let's face it, grown ups have problems, grown ups worry over different things. But for my family, Christmas is a family tradition. And so this year, I will embrace Christmas with much vigor. I will welcome it with joy. I will sit down for Noche Buena and not think about anything else but the food before me and the effort that was put in preparing them. I will not take away the surprise by telling my parents and family what I want to get for Christmas. I will sit down and slowly open my gifts. I will savor Christmas just like I did as a young child years ago.

And I might even stay up with my brother and sing Christmas songs with him, as we wait for Santa to show up.

Read more...
Labels: , ,

Personal Intangibles

There's a part of me inside my head, inside my heart, inside my soul, that no matter how I circle around it I just can't touch nor bear to scrutinize for very long. The core of all my pain, that bright sharp pinpoint of pain, pain, pain. It is cold, a coldness that's even deeper than spine chilling freeze. It's hard, diamond hard. It is there and it's stuck there, embedded in my self. It is part of me that won't come off, won't go away. Won't even diminish.

All this pain seems to be caused by the disintegration of my belief in my self. Reason concludes that I ought to let things be, let life go on the same. Because nothing I say or do, at this point will matter. Everything will come easier on time. And understanding too... perhaps. Yet emotions rage in confusion and in waves of black despair. And the child inside is throwing tantrums, demanding that something be done NOW. And with that comes the anxiety that if I don't do something now, there will not be any guarantee that I will be able to do anything at all later on.

Nothing stays the same. And that kinda makes it hard to keep focused. I lose track of my dreams, what with the perspective constantly changing. It's far easier to forget everything else along with the pain than to remember and constantly hold a grudge against myself for being so stupid. Besides, no change, no growth, no life. Living, really being alive, is a constant process not a state of being simply alive.

Life goes on, even after I thought my world has fallen into rubble. It goes on and on and on. The world moves on along with it and so I go along else be left behind, forever living in a past that won't go away. I can't give up. It's too easy to just stop and stagnate and not care and despair and wallow in self-pity. Too easy. Nobody said life was easy. Nobody said life was fair. I've learned to stubbornly move on through the confusion, through the pain. What won't kill me will make me stronger. I live, taking one disaster at a time.

The future remains unwritten. Nobody knows what's going to happen next. There are probabilities, certain things that become predictable (like the season and city traffic jams), but no one is certain what tomorrow may bring. There is still a chance that I can make it to where it is I want to go. I can still forge a better life out of the mess I created on growing. No one can tell me otherwise, it is my life after all. My future is a riot of colors, wild and crazy, neither dark nor bright.

The future remains undecided. Today I make the choices that decided my future. I am scared of the unknown. Who isn't? But I take a deep breath... and flip a coin.


Disclaimer: This is fiction. I wrote this for an essay book I am working on. I have no personal angst whatsoever. Life is beautiful and I love mine.

Read more...
Labels:
 

different paths

college campus lawn

wires in front of sky

aerial perspective

clouds

clouds over the highway

The Poultney Inn

apartment for rent