Coffee Break

Smells Like Freshly Ground Heaven

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This blog talks about everything and anything under the sun.


From music, to love, to life - kinda like the stuff people talk about, over a cup of coffee.


Batangas Brew

Popularly known as Kapeng Barako, and originates from the province of Batangas, in the Philippines.

Barako is a Filipino term for an animal male stud that has become associated with the image of a strong man.

The coffee is so-called because of its imposing and distinct pungent aroma.

Showing posts with label Essay. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Essay. Show all posts

St. Francis Xavier

This was a commissioned write up for a souvenir book.


In a little village of Navarre, every stone of the Javier castle walls, every sombre brown hill and valley, spoke of war. It was within this gloomy battlements of Xavier on April 7, 1506 that a child was born. The child was christened Francis, an appropriate name for the child born in the week of our Lord's passion, sharing the name of the Saint who had borne the wounds of Christ in his living flesh.

Francis grew up carrying a desire to excel in his academic pursuits, and his ambition was deeper than the mere desire to excel personally. He had all the pride of birth and race added to the reserve and determination that were innate in his noble goal. Yet his strength of will, ambition and pride were transfigured by his irresistible charm. The rare but priceless gift of personal magnetism eludes comprehension, and Francis had this in a supreme degree from the beginning to the end of his life.

It was in the morning of austere earthliness when Francis took his last glimpse on Xavier. He embarked on a long journey to Paris, dreaming not of love but of fame and glory to be won. He spent his days in the university pursuing the dreams and ambitions he painted in glorious colors. But his triumphs were tainted with fleeting emptiness. Moments came when his complacent thoughts about the future went into a mysterious disturbance. Gradually taking shape in his mind was a yet indistinct ideal of sacrifice, that began to replace his former enthusiasms. His lingering vision of a comfortable existence spiced with scholastic brilliance took on the aspect of a dying ambition. Born in him was a vague but surging desire to transform into a man with a spirit and heart that reposed in God. Soon he began to know what ambition could really mean, as the insistent thought gained distinctiveness and force. He wanted to live dangerously and for a great cause.

Francis sacrificed his profession, the end of his academic pursuits,as he had already sacrificed his wordly ambitions. His was one generous nature which knew no half measure, a heroic soul that feared nothing but its own limitation. His travels to the unknown were the greatest trials of his life. In the stifling atmosphere of India and the Far East, he persevered in the life that was vile. Continually sick, wasted by heal and racked by fever, yet, his spirit still rising above his worn body. He preached on Sundays, made peace, silenced obscene oaths and songs. He was the prophet who walked in advance, rousing sleepers and pointing the way to spiritual progress. He cried aloud in the wilderness, preaching his crusade.

Today the name Francis Xavier is a magic evocative name, it conjures up visions of tropical seas, of hot Indian plains, of a Malacca and Japan with people as unmapped and as mysterious as the dark side of the mystic moon, and the most significant of all is the vision of a noble man who lived in these exotic realities, a man who offered himself to the weary and lost, a man whose heart and spirit reposed in Christ.

When Francis died, the greatest mission undertaking ceased. The great soul of Xavier had flown to God. But a flame had been lighted, a flame that would never die. His spirit remained, inspiring many to continue the work of trailblazing that never ceased.
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Christmas+Kids=Love

Many Christmases ago, my little brother refused to go to bed on Christmas Eve even after being told that it was time for him to sleep.

"I wanna wait for Santa Claus," he said.

"But he does not want to be seen," I reasoned with the 5-year old, wide-eyed kid.

"But, why?"

"Because that's the rule."

Our family always prepares for a festive Christmas Eve, and that year was no exception. My father, a genius in the kitchen, whipped up dish after dish of typical Batangueño food. Kaldereta, Apritada, Pochero, Morcon etc. But the Noche Buena wasn't the highlight of evening. It was the youngest of the brood who stole the limelight. He had learned several Christmas songs and was singing them gleefully to us. Each time he got stumped... which happened at the beginning of several stanzas, we'd butt in and supply a line or two. Santa Claus is Coming to Town and Rudolf the Red Nose Reindeer were the best. The adults sang along the lines of the ever popular "you better watch out, you better not pout" and the recital of reindeer names in the lovely ode to Rudolf. Indeed, with the youthful enthusiasm and anticipation by the little boy with the infectious laugh, the teens and the adults were somehow reintroduced to the magic of Santa Claus and the childlike excitement of the holiday season.

And so every Christmas Eve, while our mother tries desperately to send kid brother to bed, Santa aka our father arranges the gifts and carefully counterchecks the "list" tucked in the branches of the Christmas tree. At midnight we’d all gather at the dining table, but not before we check under the Christmas tree for gifts with our names and our Christmas socks for goodies and money.

That year, my brother had made his Christmas list by himself for the first time. He didn't want us to read it. And our mother sternly warned my sister and me to not, under any circumstances, sneak behind and take a peek at our little brother's precious list. But of course we looked, the minute we got a chance. And the joke was on us, because the list was an enumeration of stuff he wanted which we already knew about. Toy trucks (he even wrote the brand), video tapes, computer games, hot wheels, etc. The surprising part, other than that he didn't misspell anything, was that the list was relatively short. Our brother, even back then, was already showing the trait that he would display unto adulthood, he's not materialistic. And that's the irony considering how "materials", "stuff", "gifts" take over people’s lives during Christmas season.

There's something stressful and comforting about Christmas rituals. Stressful because there's a certain expectation to do things that people are supposed to do during this time of year, like decorating, the mad-rush to the stores to shop for the relatives and the godchildren, deciding to attend or not to attend parties, or to accept which particular invitation.

But ah... they are also comforting. There's the familiarity, the soothing feeling of being around family while doing some things that have become an annual practice. There’s the general happy disposition of people everywhere.

They say that as people grow up, it takes away some of the fun out of Christmas, because let's face it, grown ups have problems, grown ups worry over different things. But for my family, Christmas is a family tradition. And so this year, I will embrace Christmas with much vigor. I will welcome it with joy. I will sit down for Noche Buena and not think about anything else but the food before me and the effort that was put in preparing them. I will not take away the surprise by telling my parents and family what I want to get for Christmas. I will sit down and slowly open my gifts. I will savor Christmas just like I did as a young child years ago.

And I might even stay up with my brother and sing Christmas songs with him, as we wait for Santa to show up.

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Personal Intangibles

There's a part of me inside my head, inside my heart, inside my soul, that no matter how I circle around it I just can't touch nor bear to scrutinize for very long. The core of all my pain, that bright sharp pinpoint of pain, pain, pain. It is cold, a coldness that's even deeper than spine chilling freeze. It's hard, diamond hard. It is there and it's stuck there, embedded in my self. It is part of me that won't come off, won't go away. Won't even diminish.

All this pain seems to be caused by the disintegration of my belief in my self. Reason concludes that I ought to let things be, let life go on the same. Because nothing I say or do, at this point will matter. Everything will come easier on time. And understanding too... perhaps. Yet emotions rage in confusion and in waves of black despair. And the child inside is throwing tantrums, demanding that something be done NOW. And with that comes the anxiety that if I don't do something now, there will not be any guarantee that I will be able to do anything at all later on.

Nothing stays the same. And that kinda makes it hard to keep focused. I lose track of my dreams, what with the perspective constantly changing. It's far easier to forget everything else along with the pain than to remember and constantly hold a grudge against myself for being so stupid. Besides, no change, no growth, no life. Living, really being alive, is a constant process not a state of being simply alive.

Life goes on, even after I thought my world has fallen into rubble. It goes on and on and on. The world moves on along with it and so I go along else be left behind, forever living in a past that won't go away. I can't give up. It's too easy to just stop and stagnate and not care and despair and wallow in self-pity. Too easy. Nobody said life was easy. Nobody said life was fair. I've learned to stubbornly move on through the confusion, through the pain. What won't kill me will make me stronger. I live, taking one disaster at a time.

The future remains unwritten. Nobody knows what's going to happen next. There are probabilities, certain things that become predictable (like the season and city traffic jams), but no one is certain what tomorrow may bring. There is still a chance that I can make it to where it is I want to go. I can still forge a better life out of the mess I created on growing. No one can tell me otherwise, it is my life after all. My future is a riot of colors, wild and crazy, neither dark nor bright.

The future remains undecided. Today I make the choices that decided my future. I am scared of the unknown. Who isn't? But I take a deep breath... and flip a coin.


Disclaimer: This is fiction. I wrote this for an essay book I am working on. I have no personal angst whatsoever. Life is beautiful and I love mine.

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Two Floors


I always knew as a child that I wanted to be a lawyer. But as an eight year old girl growing up in a household with a vast supply of reading materials, I began a secret, deep affair with writing. A love affair that has been exciting, unpredictable, sometimes torturous, often frustrating, always comforting.

By the time I finished college, I had written quite a number of short stories and even a few novels. But some of them had one thing in common, they were unfinished. Some had a beginning and an ending, but no middle part. While others had the middle part but was missing the conclusion. Sometimes I would finish a story but would change my mind and decide to rewrite some parts and make it longer. In the end, I get tired of it and move on to the next. One of those stories was a short novel that I started writing when I was 17. It was inspired by a Neruda quote that I had read from an illustrated love story. I had since lost the computer file after several upgrades. I had completed the story in my mind, I knew how I wanted the story to flow or what the ending was, but I never got around to writing it down. But I do want to finish it. Stories are not really worth much unless they are shared and what better way to do that but by completing them and letting others read and enjoy them. Well the enjoy part is relative, and perhaps a bit presumptuous. But hey, it's the thought that counts. ;-)

Books, books and more books.
You are not falling for that Kindle crap, are you?

Every person I know who loves to write are hard core book lovers. I am no different from them. I own copies after copies of books of all kinds. A lot of them I have not yet read. But unread books resting on my shelves don't deter me from hoarding and accumulating more. It's an addiction. I am a compulsive book buyer. I am so serious about books that my dream home's most important feature, (second only to the kitchen), is a two floor library. Yesss, two floors. Just like the ones that castles have. This is one of the reasons why I have a soft spot for Cartland books which almost always feature castle-like homes with a library filled with rows and rows of books shelves that are two floors tall.

And I want the books to be varied. To come from all over the world. To be from different times, periods. When it comes to good reading materials, I do not discriminate.

In the real world, I collect books from every genre. I have mystery, suspense thriller, horror, romance, biographies, autobiographies, even self help books. I am also not particular about authors, although the best location on my shelves are occupied by the works of Edgar Allan Poe and such literature luminaries like Twain, Melville, Dickens.

I have several favorite books. One is Harvest of the Sun which to some may hardly be considered a classic. But I have a deep affection for it, the reason of which I can't really explain. Frankly, I don't even know why. Maybe someday I'll find the words, but now I can only say that I love that book and that's all there is to it.


Library of my dreams. And I mean that figuratively and literally.





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Paul, Paulo, Pablo II



"Life is really generous to those who pursue their destiny."

-Paulo Coelho


One of my most read author is Paulo Coelho. I don't usually read popular, mainstream novels because I think that most of the talked about books now are juvenile and overrated, but there is something about Coelho. He is like a quarter in a huge pile of nickels. He is different and his work can provide more than just the tingly, squee worthy or OMG inducing scenes offered by the too common pop books that people devour today.

Coelho, while obviously a popular mainstream author, at least does not pretend to have invented the ideas he writes about. In fact, in a book, he would talk about the same thing incessantly over and over, albeit in different ways. He writes about things we already know. He is not even a literary genius. His books can sometimes be dull. He writes about spirituality and Christianity but uses fictional elements that would make any self-respecting Catholic or conservative Christian horrified. In Brida, for instance, he basically stated that witches pray to Jesus and Mary. I was personally dismayed that he chose to go that road, and it's hard to imagine conservative Christians not feeling the same way. Heck, I'm quite positive that witches would be repulsed with such insinuation as well.

The thing with Coelho is that he is hit and miss. A lot of people loved The Alchemist, and then hated Brida or some other book of his. But it is undeniable that he is a relevant, celebrated writer, with a huge following at that. Some critics are quick to point out that his strength is his ability to write to a certain audience. That audience of people, mostly women, who look for their spirituality, or the affirmation of it, in a book. He tries hard to please everyone of his readers, sometimes a bit too hard, that he takes liberty in twisting history; perhaps hoping to make all people happy. However, his books belong to that category traversing the thin line between fiction and self-help books, hence, his "fictional" ideas injected in real life teachings can be somewhat contrary to the Christian spirituality that his body of work, as a whole, is supposed to represent.

So the lingering question is, why is he beloved? Why do I read his books? It's simple really, for all the misses, he has hits. It is his tireless passion for writing about the Christian faith and his love for the act of sharing of ideas that makes people root for him. How many mainstream writers make faith and spirituality the cornerstone of their novels? Not too many. That's why Coelho is a rarity. In this age of political correctness and bullying of the liberal media, coming across books that write about faith unapologetically and unabashedly is a refreshing breather. Some of his ideas bother me, but he is first and foremost a writer and he is entitled to his own imagination.

He also has a gift in putting words together to create quotable lines which in the web universe of shout-outs, twitter and text messages, are highly desired. I don't think I've ever gone through a day without coming across a Coelho quote. It is little things like this that make this Brazilian a force to reckon in the competitive world of writing

Although not quite like his namesake, Paul of Tarsus, whose work has unparallel influence in Christian teachings, Paulo Coelho is still an author worth reading. He believes in what we writes, I may not agree with some of them, but I respect him.

I mean, what do I know? I'm just a working-my-ass-off-lawyer, while he is a best-selling writer. It's hard to argue with success.


(to be continued)

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Paul, Paulo, Pablo


I woke up today reciting a line from Pablo Neruda's Cien Sonetos de Amor,

"Te amo como se aman ciertas cosa oscuras,
secretamente, entre la sombra y el alma."

Translated in English that means,

"I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,
in secret, between the shadow and the soul."

Now, I don't know what that was doing in my head. It's not like I'm in love or inspired, or the least interested in anyone at this time. (Not unless we count my perennial make-believe boyfriend Ben Affleck. Yes. That Ben Affleck. So I like tall, smart men, sue me!) I just woke up and found myself reciting that line. How strange is that?!

Truth is, I don't really mind if I wake every day greeting the morning sunshine with random verses from the Chileans's poems. He is, after all, one of if not the greatest 20th century poet.


Mr. Neruda's poems are boundless.

They're like those one-size-fits-all t-sirts.

The messages conveyed are general rules of love, and life. Age doesn't matter, neither does color or race or family background. Neruda's haunting proses trancsend everything because they express the universal emotions of people towards living, loving and losing, and everything in between.

I admire his works and I remember how as a young student I had the shameless dream of meeting him someday and being his protege. Of course I eventually found out after a trip to the library that he was, in fact, long gone. I also found out about the others aspects of his life, particularly his politics and principles which I didn't find agreeable. In the end, I remained a fan of Neruda, the poet, though not so much Neruda, the man.

I may not share his ideas towards capitalism or liberty, but I share his love for life and for love itself.

"Te amo sin saber cómo, ni cuándo, ni de dónde,
te amo directamente sin problemas ni orgullo:
así te amo porque no sé amar de otra manera;"

I love you without knowing how, when, or where from;
I love you straightforwardly, with neither problems nor pride:
I love you thus, not knowing how to love you otherwise;`



(to be continued)
next Paul, Paulo, Pablo II

********


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different paths

college campus lawn

wires in front of sky

aerial perspective

clouds

clouds over the highway

The Poultney Inn

apartment for rent